is a lifetime undertaking of unpaid domestic labour, including cleaning, preparing meals, drudgery of child care … everything from tidying the underwear drawer to social life management. And if you want a career, wifework is second full-time job on top of any other paid employment.
During the past week I enjoyed reading Too Beautiful to Dance in which Diana Appleyard depicts Sara as wifeworker supreme, acting as hostess for her husband's fiftieth birthday—twenty six year of loyal services to Matt and their two daughters—Sara's entire life revolved round enabling Matt. During Matt's speech, his longstanding friend drop a bomb by adding to Matt's praise of Sara "… and a beautiful girlfriend".
The novel captures Sara's initial devastation and then her growth as independent woman.
Today, on the way back home, I found a book titled Wifework in a Coffee Shop—Heike's Place—at the Bergview Complex, on the N3, outside Harrismith.
The Loot review states that two-thirds to three-quarters of all divorces are now initiated by women. The inescapable conclusion is that women are more dissatisfied with marriage than men.
In Susan Maushart first marriage she was landed with all the cooking and cleaning and the marriage broke up. In her second marriage she thought she'd secured a 'new man' as well as a new baby but rapidly found herself playing out the same old script. When that relationship disintegrated, she became a single parent and was struck by the amazing amount of free time she suddenly possessed. It was obvious that the help that husbands provide nowhere near covers the amount of work they actually create! 'A resident man creates extra chores, more washing, higher standards for cooking and more organisation to suit his schedule.'
Sociologists have taken so long to discover 'wifework' because of the exceptional camouflage provided by 'love'. Two other factors have also hindered our recognition: men's willingness to be cared for and women's eagerness to collude in this set-up.
For women, becoming a wife still entails more responsibilities and more sheer hard work than it offers privileges or perks. Becoming a wife erode their mental health, reduce their leisure, decimate their libido, and increase the odds that they will be physically assaulted or murdered in your own home.
Chapter titles such as the following captured my attention:
- of marriage, metamorphosis and rotten eggs
- why do we do it to ourselves?
- rising expectations and diminishing returns
- mars and venus scrub the toilet
- and baby makes two and a half: the myth of shared parenting
- equality go bye-byes: parenthood and partnership
- giving, receiving … getting depressed
- not tonight darling: wifework and sex work
- sleeping with the enemy
I am looking forward to the read and will share my views in future posts.
Appleyard, Diana. 2007. Too beautiful to dance. London: Black Swan.
Maushart, Susan. 2003. Wifework — what marriage really means for women (Paperback edition). London: Bloomsbury.