Pro-Egalitarian

Society’s prejudices about sexuality

Injustice—unfair action or treatment; violation of the rights of others—really trouble me. Some attitudes about female sexuality include:

• If she doesn't have sex with him, she’s a prude
• If she uses the pill, she’s a slut
• If she gets pregnant, she’s an idiot
• If she chooses an abortion, she’s evil
• Oh, and infidelity is the mistress's fault.

The 4^th edition of the "Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders" (DSM IV) includes female and male hypoactive sexual desire disorder, but not hyper sexual appetite. Although, the "Scientific American" reports that the fifth edition may very well include Hypersexual Disorder.

At which point does sexual preferences become a compulsion or a disorder? Society’s selective prudish stance on sexuality quickly condemns those with a healthy sexual appetite and those with non-mainstream heterosexual preference.

The film "Shame", one of the most startling films of the decade—but it is also one of the most honest and compassionate, portrays the perceived economically successful (flying-high manager) single man’s obsessive pursuit of sex; as well as his intense emotional isolation and unending torment. A trailer of Shame.

Social-cultural marginalisation of women and violence against

National Women’s day conferences, discourses and discussions reveal how much still need to be done to improve the situations of women and girls, writes Mmapaseka ‘Steve’ Letsike, chairperson of the Women’s Sector of the South African National Aids Ccouncil. “Women and girls continue to be subjected to multiple and overlapping forms of violence, such as psychological, sexual, physical, institutional, and structural violence, reinforced by harmful socio-cultural practices.” To read the rest of the article published in the supplement (p. 2) of the Mail & guardian 28 October to 3 November 2011 Download SANAC From silence to response on gender inequality

Unequal power of women to negotiate safer sex

Based on the reported less usage of contraceptives by adolescent women; it is observed that young women (if not all women?) have less negotiating power with regard to safer sex (UNFPA). The world still has a long way to go to achieve gender equality!

Download UNFPA on Young People's choices dictate their future

Commoditised 'vajayjay'

Socialisation towards acceptability or desirability of labiaplasticy ... with sisters (and brothers) like these, the feminist movements need no enemies (and wasted a heck of a lot of effort).

This soap box had been sparked by "Climbing fanny hill" (below) that appeared on page 41 of the (SA) Mail & Guardian 21-27 October 2011. Any women has the right to aesthetic surgery, but should not do it because of social pressures. [Read the responses to “New! Improved! Designer vaginas”]

Men-opause, weighty decisions by suffering businessmen

What troubled me about the Stats SA 2011 Census form is that the name of the household head had to be entered first. Now in a home of equal partners, what do one do? Be that as it may ... the world is still predominantly run by men. "The top honchos ar mostly men, most north of 55" observes Caroline Southey aptly. Download Men(opause)_Suffer_the_middle-aged_businessman_Caroline_Southey_MG_Business_21-27October2011

In the case of women the menopause issue had been "flushed out following decades of debate, experimentation, medical research and billion-dollar hormone replacement therapy business. Not so with male menopause".

The problem is, suggests Southey "that these illutrious men do not even know they [might] have a problem ... or they do not want to know what it is". She elaborates about the telltale signs and remarks that the "consequences hardly need to be spelt out. Weighty decisions are being made ... on a daily basis by men suffering from some, if not all, of these afflictions. Ill-tempered and crabby [and egoisticly], they are deciding on matters ..."

"... there is a stong case to be made for middle-aged men in power to start popping pills or nibbling on some liquorice route. Or klep could be served at board-meeting tea breaks."



Why are the criteria for women often roomier than for men?

Wherein is the 'equality' vested if women often need to out perform and out smart men just to be regarded equal? Published poet S'kho Mkwanazi is reported to remark "Men have a natual, God-given power. For me as a women to have a voice, I must have a PhD, but a man doesn't have to have anything". Download A_change_in_mentality_Getting_Ahead_supplement_MG_28Jan_3Feb2011

The South African public Higher Education enrollments for 2009, reflected below, comprised 59.1% women (478 112 of 837 611) and 42.9% men (359 499). Graduate figures, the same year are, reveals an even better pass rate among women, namely 60.8% (88 054 of 144 809) versus 39.2% (56 755) of men. 

 
A change in the mentality of men and about men is necessary.

Not paternalism but maternalism

"The ends of maternalism parallel those of paternalism, that is, the maintenance of the servant in the role of a perpetual child. It is the means; the tactics employed which are different. The workings of maternalism are less overt in that a complex emotional dynamic develops between employer and employee." Alison Jill King (2007: 13) writes in Domestic Service in Post-Apartheid South Africa: Deference and Disdain (Hampshire: Ashgate). Paternalistic entails an authoritarian tendency that regards women childlike and unable to govern themselves.

She chooses the term maternalism because of the implied power and kindness dynamic, as well as the parent-child ideology underlying the relationship between madam and domestic worker. Maternalism often masks the exploitation, without comprehension for the circumstances, of the person rendering the domestic work. Based on King's research findings about relationships she opts for 'pseudo-maternalism', which she defines "a female relationship that is patterned along paternalistic lines that inverts characteristics of maternalism to enhance power and image of self in relation to 'the other'" (p. 16). The 'pseudo-maternalism' conduct is often manifested in patronising actions, which means to treat the domestic worker in a condescending way—suggesting an enactment of social or class distinction.

No true love between resentful slave and frightened master

Fighting women, derogate women or dominate / trying to control women is part of the unconscious fear of men, wrote dear old Abraham Maslov way back in 1958. He added, "only as men become strong enough, self-confident enought, and integrated enought can they tolerate and finally enjoy self-actualizing women, women who are full human beings".

Maslov, A.H. 1958. Emotional blocks to creativity, 96-105. In Parnes, S. J. 1992. Source book for creative problem solving. Buffalo, NY: Creative Education Foundation Press.

[Originally published: Maslow, A H (1958) Emotional Blocks to Creativity. Journal of Individual Psychology, 1958, 14, 51-56.]

Wifework

is a lifetime undertaking of unpaid domestic labour, including cleaning, preparing meals, drudgery of child care … everything from tidying the underwear drawer to social life management. And if you want a career, wifework is second full-time job on top of any other paid employment.

During the past week I enjoyed reading Too Beautiful to Dance in which Diana Appleyard depicts Sara as wifeworker supreme, acting as hostess for her husband's fiftieth birthday—twenty six year of loyal services to Matt and their two daughters—Sara's entire life revolved round enabling Matt. During Matt's speech, his longstanding friend drop a bomb by adding to Matt's praise of Sara "… and a beautiful girlfriend".

The novel captures Sara's initial devastation and then her growth as independent woman.

Today, on the way back home, I found a book titled Wifework in a Coffee Shop—Heike's Place—at the Bergview Complex, on the N3, outside Harrismith.

The Loot review states that two-thirds to three-quarters of all divorces are now initiated by women. The inescapable conclusion is that women are more dissatisfied with marriage than men.

In Susan Maushart first marriage she was landed with all the cooking and cleaning and the marriage broke up. In her second marriage she thought she'd secured a 'new man' as well as a new baby but rapidly found herself playing out the same old script. When that relationship disintegrated, she became a single parent and was struck by the amazing amount of free time she suddenly possessed. It was obvious that the help that husbands provide nowhere near covers the amount of work they actually create! 'A resident man creates extra chores, more washing, higher standards for cooking and more organisation to suit his schedule.'

Sociologists have taken so long to discover 'wifework' because of the exceptional camouflage provided by 'love'. Two other factors have also hindered our recognition: men's willingness to be cared for and women's eagerness to collude in this set-up.

For women, becoming a wife still entails more responsibilities and more sheer hard work than it offers privileges or perks. Becoming a wife erode their mental health, reduce their leisure, decimate their libido, and increase the odds that they will be physically assaulted or murdered in your own home.

Chapter titles such as the following captured my attention:

• of marriage, metamorphosis and rotten eggs
• why do we do it to ourselves?
• rising expectations and diminishing returns
• mars and venus scrub the toilet
• and baby makes two and a half: the myth of shared parenting
• equality go bye-byes: parenthood and partnership
• giving, receiving … getting depressed
• not tonight darling: wifework and sex work
• sleeping with the enemy

I am looking forward to the read and will share my views in future posts.

Appleyard, Diana. 2007. Too beautiful to dance. London: Black Swan.

Maushart, Susan. 2003. Wifework — what marriage really means for women (Paperback edition). London: Bloomsbury.

Dual-workaholics impacts women unfairly

If a woman works 60 hours or more per week it does not significantly affect her husband's odds of quitting, however, if a man works 60 hours or more per week it increases his wife's odds of quitting by 42 percent; by 51 percent if she is a professional; and by 112 percent if she is a professional mother. Youngjoo Cha, Cornell doctoral candidate in sociology, finds that when long work-hours introduce conflict between work and family in dual-earner families, the tendency is to resolve the in ways that prioritize the man's career—women are still expected to do more housework and perform most of the caregiving responsibilities. This leads to separate spheres arrangement, namely, breadwinning men and homemaking women.

Work addiction is a psychosocial problem that is characterized by two primary features, namely, if on top of working excessively, individuals also work compulsively in order to reduce anxiety and feelings of guilt when not working (Mario Del Líbano). Spanish researchers have developed a new scale for measuring addiction to work, called DUWAS (Dutch Work Addiction Scale). The scale has been validated as a result of the criticisms about its validity and reliability made by two evaluation tools that have been most used to date – the WorkBAT (Workaholism Battery) and the WART (Work Addiction Risk Test).

According to the International Labour Organisation (ILO) about eight percent of the working population devotes more than 12 hours per day to their profession in order to escape from personal problems, such as:

• financial, family and social pressures
• fear of losing one's job
• competition in the labour market
• the urge to achieve a desired level of success— self-esteem related to work achievement
• fear of overbearing, demanding or threatening bosses
• inability to delegate or too high standards of perfection
• lack of personal affection, with the person trying to make up for this with their work

Workaholic people can end up taking illegal substances to help them work harder, enabling them to increase their workplace performance and overcome tiredness and the need for sleep.