Pro-Egalitarian

EGALITARIAN [pronunciation: i-gal-i-tair-ee-uhn]

Assertion resulting from or characterized by a belief in the equality of all people.

From French égalitaire, from égalité, equality, from Latin aequālitās, from aequālis, equal; see equal - http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/egalitarian

This blog is about expression of views, observations and perceptions.

by Thomas

Society’s prejudices about sexuality

Injustice—unfair action or treatment; violation of the rights of others—really trouble me. Some attitudes about female sexuality include:

• If she doesn't have sex with him, she’s a prude
• If she uses the pill, she’s a slut
• If she gets pregnant, she’s an idiot
• If she chooses an abortion, she’s evil
• Oh, and infidelity is the mistress's fault.

The 4^th edition of the "Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders" (DSM IV) includes female and male hypoactive sexual desire disorder, but not hyper sexual appetite. Although, the "Scientific American" reports that the fifth edition may very well include Hypersexual Disorder.

At which point does sexual preferences become a compulsion or a disorder? Society’s selective prudish stance on sexuality quickly condemns those with a healthy sexual appetite and those with non-mainstream heterosexual preference.

The film "Shame", one of the most startling films of the decade—but it is also one of the most honest and compassionate, portrays the perceived economically successful (flying-high manager) single man’s obsessive pursuit of sex; as well as his intense emotional isolation and unending torment. A trailer of Shame.

Clothes don't cause rape, rapists do!

The title of this post is Amanda Marcotte's words in Sluts, Walking (Bussel, 2012: 1-7) as she explains, to drive the point of 'SlutWalks' home. Mid-2011 several SlutWalks were held globally to counter Michael Sanguinetti's advice to women to avoid being raped by not "dressing like sluts". In contrast, women (should) have the right "to do what they want without being punished" (p. 3) through methods "of putting women in their place".

• Women do have the right (place) to "sexual playfulness in the public space" (p. 4)
• Women have the right to expect "If I am out on the town wearing a cute minidress, I expect that I'll get a lot of indifference, some men thinking I look good, some men thinking that I want to be attractive, some men thinking I enjoy feeling sexy, some men flirting--and some men thinking, 'I wouldn't wear those shoes with that dress'. I expect men to be. Happy they live in a world where people have fun and exude sexual enrgy, because I believe sex is pleasurable and good and that a little more sexual in energy in the world tends to improve the fun we have at home." (p. 5)
• Women have the right to expect that when a man thinks she is sexy, the man would not degrade and devalue her -- if he does, "he is the one who has forfeited his right to be treated with respect, not the woman he claims that provoked him" (p. 6).
• Women have the right to expect "when a man flouts the rules of morality and decency and harass or assaults a women" (p. 6), such as man is treated "like the raving douchebag he is, and bring criminal charges where applicable".

Marcotte concludes that "all SlutWalk is asking is that the same opportunities be offered to women" (p. 7).

Marcotte, M. 2012. Sluts, Walking. In Rachel Kramer Bussel (ed). 2012. Best sex writing 2012 -- the state of today's sexual culture. Berkley, CA: Cleis Press.

Minors and women (almost, again) in the same category

What is happening to the new South Africa democracy? Are we moving back to patronising legislation? Are curvy women facing the danger of being denied buying liquor? Will women be required to produce a negative pregnacy test prior to acceptance of her alcohol order?

These are just a few questions that comes to mind with regard to the Gauteng Draft Liquor Bill of 2011, published 24 Janaury 2012 in the Gauteng Provincial Gazette for public comment that ended 24 February 2012. Section 53 (1) states that "A licensee must not sell, supply or give liquor to-

• (a) a minor;
• (b) a person who is dressed in a school uniform;
• (c) a person who reasonably appears to be intoxicated; or
• (d) a pregnant woman."

I am not discounting the potential harm alcohol may cause to an unborn foetus, as highlighted in the 2011 policy document, on the contrary. The notion of a display notice about potential harm, as advocated under 8.9.2 mus be applauded.

How would a licensee in any case know if a women's pregnancy is not yet evident?

Does to be marginal [historically] make one purer or holier than others?

Another post on racial equality. Milisuthando Bongela words in the Mail & Gardian, of 24 February to 1 March 2012, under the heading "Black as a gimmick is so old, sisi", really touched me. She writes, among others, the following:

This is the result of crippling conditioning in emancipated societies that historically marginalised people are noble, cannot do wrong and always must be exalted. Throw a revered struggle stalwart into the mix and there is little room for criticism. All historical imbalances are whitewashed by this symbol of progress: a black woman doing it for herself.

This inherited conditioning is founded on righteous indignation -- that we blacks have an eternal right to be angry for the way we have been abused and we can use that resentment as a reason to use our race as a justification of and for most of our actions. Simply put, it translates to this: people should care about what we do because we are black.

Did we need to be told of the race of the new gallerist? Might we not have guessed she is black just by reading her name? That would have meant we would have evaluated her based on her work and not her ­membership of a particular race. She foregrounded her race and gender to get attention; she did so because we are still susceptible to such ­gimmicks.

I am NOT suggesting that all the wrongs of the past should just be forgotton. But relationships cannot work if there is absence of will to make it work. We, South Africans, need to take hands and move forward together.

“Race is entirely a social construction”

“It is tragic what people can do to each other: all the violent disapproval about something that is none of their business” observed Martie about the Real Love page (18) by Fatima Asmal-Motala in the Mail & Guardian of 17 to 23 February 2012; which contain three articles:

• Unhappy wives opt out
• Colour bar still exists in relationships
• Mixed-race couple feels love above all

We talk earlier in the day about societal dissent about mix-marriages or mix-racial couples and relationships; the prejudice historically advocated by main-stream religion; and the unfounded aversion. I felt I wanted to do a blog post and while busy composing Martie looked at the newspaper that has been open next to me. I translated her comment above made in Afrikaans, because I felt it is so apt, and translated dreadful disapproval. Martie differed and insisted on violent disapproval. The meanings involved are indicative of how we perceive the injustice:

Dreadful — appalling; extremely disagreeable, shocking, unpleasant or bad; causing dread, fear, or terror; terrible

Violent — undue forceful; in order to injure or intimidate others; displaying strong or undue mental or emotional pressure; tending to distort the meaning or intent

Asmal-Motala refers to the doctoral thesis of Emily Mapula Mojapelo-Batka (2008: 18) in which she cites Johnson and Warren (1994) concluding “that biologically speaking there is no such category as race” yet, “different societies have constructed different race classifications”. I felt Mojapelo-Batka’s next sentence is very apt and used it as topic for this post.

Fatima Asmal-Motala is a freelance journalist and director of the Institute for Learning and Motivation – South Africa (ILM-SA) in Durban, South Africa.

Mojapelo-Batka, E.M. 2008. Interracial couples within the South African context: experiences, perceptions and challenges. DPhil in Psychology thesis. Pretoria: University of South Africa (Unisa). Electronically accessed 18 February 2012 from: http://uir.unisa.ac.za/bitstream/handle/10500/2153/thesis.pdf?sequence=1

Johnson, W.J. & Warren, D.M. 1994. Inside the mixed marriage: accounts of changing attitudes, patterns, and perspectives of cross-cultural and interracial marriages. London: University Press of America.

Social-cultural marginalisation of women and violence against

National Women’s day conferences, discourses and discussions reveal how much still need to be done to improve the situations of women and girls, writes Mmapaseka ‘Steve’ Letsike, chairperson of the Women’s Sector of the South African National Aids Ccouncil. “Women and girls continue to be subjected to multiple and overlapping forms of violence, such as psychological, sexual, physical, institutional, and structural violence, reinforced by harmful socio-cultural practices.” To read the rest of the article published in the supplement (p. 2) of the Mail & guardian 28 October to 3 November 2011 Download SANAC From silence to response on gender inequality

Unequal power of women to negotiate safer sex

Based on the reported less usage of contraceptives by adolescent women; it is observed that young women (if not all women?) have less negotiating power with regard to safer sex (UNFPA). The world still has a long way to go to achieve gender equality!

Download UNFPA on Young People's choices dictate their future

Commoditised 'vajayjay'

Socialisation towards acceptability or desirability of labiaplasticy ... with sisters (and brothers) like these, the feminist movements need no enemies (and wasted a heck of a lot of effort).

This soap box had been sparked by "Climbing fanny hill" (below) that appeared on page 41 of the (SA) Mail & Guardian 21-27 October 2011. Any women has the right to aesthetic surgery, but should not do it because of social pressures. [Read the responses to “New! Improved! Designer vaginas”]

Men-opause, weighty decisions by suffering businessmen

What troubled me about the Stats SA 2011 Census form is that the name of the household head had to be entered first. Now in a home of equal partners, what do one do? Be that as it may ... the world is still predominantly run by men. "The top honchos ar mostly men, most north of 55" observes Caroline Southey aptly. Download Men(opause)_Suffer_the_middle-aged_businessman_Caroline_Southey_MG_Business_21-27October2011

In the case of women the menopause issue had been "flushed out following decades of debate, experimentation, medical research and billion-dollar hormone replacement therapy business. Not so with male menopause".

The problem is, suggests Southey "that these illutrious men do not even know they [might] have a problem ... or they do not want to know what it is". She elaborates about the telltale signs and remarks that the "consequences hardly need to be spelt out. Weighty decisions are being made ... on a daily basis by men suffering from some, if not all, of these afflictions. Ill-tempered and crabby [and egoisticly], they are deciding on matters ..."

"... there is a stong case to be made for middle-aged men in power to start popping pills or nibbling on some liquorice route. Or klep could be served at board-meeting tea breaks."



Attachments: Anxious - Avoidant - Secure

Attachment-type is considered a key to lasting equal relationships. Attachment theory, postulated by John Bowlby tested and further developed by Mary Ainsworth (née Salter) in the 1960-70ties, is enjoying renewed attention from Amir Levine and Rachel Heller in their 2011 published book -- covers below, US (left) and UK (right) -- which is promoted as dating manual:

 

The picture directly below presents a very crude, yet gender-bias, snap shot of adult attachment. By identifying your type of attachment you can work on your relationships is believed.

 
There is a 30 item romantic-attachment-style quiz available online from About.com psychology.

Download Anxious_Avoidant_Secure_Fairlady_Oct2011_pp84-86